He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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