I wanna bring you to show and tell
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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