What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
