did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
