Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
