you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize