apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
