i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
