HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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