$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
