nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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