What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
