I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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