please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
