We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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