So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
