I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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