I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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