I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
