What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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