i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
