If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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