a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
