Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
