She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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