i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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