haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
