Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
