no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize