Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
