Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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