I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
