no, he came in my armpit
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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