I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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