Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
