you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
