took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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