so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
