what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
