We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
