Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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