If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
