Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
