Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
