I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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