Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
someone get that fucking seahorse.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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