Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
