If that was your dad, he is hot
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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