she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
