Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my shit smells like andre
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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