3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
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