I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
