Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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