It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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