Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
