I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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