I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
