When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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