I think I won the penis lottery.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
