Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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