Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
