The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
