He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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