I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
