It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
