maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
