Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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