I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
