first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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