I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
