Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
