omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
